no loss of consciousness, total stoping of heart; that's powerful.

thanks for your comment. it is funny how we live in this paradox of needing desparately to stand out in our uniqueness while wanting, all the time, to be understood.  Sometimes i think that most of us desire the same things, we just think we can satisfy ourselves in different ways and (even if we agree on method) we have different ways of expressing our desires- so i try to be "me" through creative expression.  Then i come back to the paradox- doesn't everyone try to express themselves in their own way?- the desire to be different unites us all.

What you wrote is very much what i was trying to say in the poem.  plus a few other things.

The poem was a lament, i wrote it in a petrified state (not a scared state- a frozen one). I'm always stuck in a paradox- wanting deeper things that satisfy me, but i always move around and look for the things im longing after, never giving myself time enough to find them (since, i presume, they become visible when i spend much time in one place- kind of like those magic eye puzzle pictures- you have to focus your eye and relax it at the same time) anyways, i think my frustration and confusion (which leads me into my state of wanderlust) is born out of/justified by the feeling that i should be a reflection of love to all people.   I want to supernatually give and give and give, but i spread myself too thin.  I overcomit to everything and nothing at the same time. Then all i want to do is take.

my favorite line of the poem was the line about lusting after purity- i long for it, so much that i fear i might lie in order to protect my chances for a pure future, pure friendships, or relationships with pure people (people that i want to feel good enough for).  The paradox here is born out of confusion as well.

i wish the picture was mine. many of the pics on the site are- most of them. but i had to go searching for that one- i spent a good deal of time looking for that one.  Maybe in the future i will give photo credits. i think i will.

thanks again for your comments as always